Happy Valentine’s day IL
Dear IL,
Happy valentine’s day
About 19-20 years ago
You asked me to be your wife
I said no
I wasn’t ready then
I had too much to learn
At least that was what I thought
I didn’t want to mess up your life
With my own issues
I had too many questions
About God, life, culture, things
I was still on the road of discovery
To finding out the real me
Mid 2006
While I went through the breaking-free
Program at the Rock Church
I remembered you
It was eye-opening
It was humbling
I had forgotten about you
Since December 1988
Well, maybe up till January or February 1989
I thought I was blessing you
By saying no
I thought I was doing you a favor
By declining your proposal
When the six-week exercise
Of the breaking free program
Revealed your name and face
I hurt and I sorrowed
If I knew where you were
I would have come
If I could make it right
It would be done
As it is, I don’t even remember your last name
Talk less your other details
So when I began to remember you these past weeks
I knew I must do something
This poem is to say thanks
For choosing me
Thanks for loving me
Thanks for believing in me
I have been desired by many men
But none comes close to you in honor
The respect you gave me
None could match
As I studied God’s word
I looked up love in Young’s concordance
Three Hebrew words caught my eye
They are rayah, ahabim and yadid
You made me feel that special
We had a bond that went deep
And while I have loved others,
The ‘love’ I had and received could not compare
Maybe it’s true what they say
A woman can never forget her first love
I may not have been ready for marriage in 1987-89
But I sure was ready for love
And unknown to me and even you
I did love you
Why else would my refusal
To a lifetime commitment with you
Show up in the healing exercise
I participated in going through my divorce
Alright, some may argue
My divorce was a blessing
Indeed it was and it is
However, I cried for my sons
I didn’t want them to grow up without a father
My ex did not just divorce me, he divorced them too
Up till today, I’m still trying to get child support
That’s the worse-than-an-infidel I had married
The idolater I had two sons with
The mammon-servant I was deceived by
The fraud that stole my virginity
Under the cloak of religious Christianity
Somehow, I knew if I had married you IL
I wouldn’t have had to go through that
Our children wouldn’t have known the pain
Of divorce, idol worship and lies
But I had been programmed to self-doubt
I was trained to debase myself
You quickened in me
Emotions I did not know exist
I panicked, I ran, I hid
I fell, I stumbled, I bled
Then I called upon the name of the Lord
And as He promised, He saved me
By the time I was healed and restored
I had forgotten your last name
All I remember is your lovely smile
Your great looks and tall stature
I even appreciate the fact
That your complexion matched mine
But I don’t know where you are
I may never know till the marriage supper of the lamb
So this is my closure
This is my farewell
As your name has a crown in it
I’ve matched it to mine
Psalm 8:5 says we have been crowned
With glory and honor or majesty
I pray your crown shines
Brighter and brighter
I’m determined to keep mine shining
I’m finally where God wants me
Emotionally and mentally
The issues are gone
The curse is broken
The chains are cut
The barriers removed
My dear IL
My initial love
By our Lord’s grace
Have a glorious valentine’s day
